A Toxic Person Ages You by Nine Months

Whoever has a friend, has a treasure. Although not all friends are equally good. Some brighten your day and make you much happier. But there are also those who sour your existence. Those toxic people, whether they are friends, coworkers or even relatives, not only give us a hard life in the figurative sense. Science has shown that toxic people steal our longevity.

Unhappy people live shorter lives

At the recent WeLife Longevity event, longevity researcher Mónica de la Fuente reminded us that one of the parameters for measuring a person’s longevity is the quality of their social relationships. The better it is, the happier they will be and the more likely they are to live more years and with more health.

The clinical psychologist Elena Jiménez fully agrees with this idea. “Our circle largely determines our well-being.” And just as there are healthy relationships “in which we seek support and feel loved and secure. There are also toxic relationships that generate anxiety, undermine our self-esteem and make us feel unhappy.”

But the problem of this toxicity goes far beyond. Its effect “is not limited to the emotional alone. There is also a negative impact at the biological level.” And not because you feel exhausted, which is true too, but because as science has just shown, “it can even accelerate the natural aging process.”

Toxicity ages you

In a new study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, researchers analyzed how social relationships had influenced the biological age of 2,345 American adults, some of them centenarians. They wanted to know whether friends, relatives and coworkers who only criticize, create problems and sour others’ lives caused their victims to have a biological age higher than their chronological one. And yes, they did.

The results are conclusive: each toxic person increases the rate of aging in the sufferer by 1.5%. Or in other words, adds nine months to their biological age. Having toxic people nearby is putting our longevity at risk. And the more there are, the fewer years we can expect to live.

As Elena Jiménez explains, “according to this finding, someone who has three toxic people in their inner circle would, on average and always speaking biologically, be nearly two and a half years older than someone of the same age.” And having to deal with these conflicting people, while not the norm, is quite common: a little over half of the participants acknowledged having someone like that among their closest contacts.

You can’t live with so much stress

But what do these (so) toxic individuals do to accelerate the aging of their relatives, coworkers, or (so-called) friends? Basically, to provoke that their stress response systems work nonstop. To cope with so much chronic stress.

Seeing that person who always seeks (and succeeds in) to drive you crazy walk through the door not only puts you in a bad mood and makes your hands sweat. Also, as the expert warns, “it raises your stress hormone levels like cortisol, increases your level of inflammation and weakens your immune system.” Making your body age. And, furthermore, causing you to have a greater risk of suffering a serious and potentially lethal disease, for example cardiovascular disease.

It’s time to set boundaries

An important and (very) surprising note: having a toxic partner can turn your life into a misery, but it won’t make you age faster. Here the main culprits are the toxic family members. Like that brother-in-law who always ensures that your dinners end in shouting.

Although leaving your relatives out of your life isn’t easy, “you should always set healthy boundaries and make clear which attitudes bother you, when not intolerable,” notes the Clinical Psychology specialist. Just as you already do—or should—with coworkers and your friends. If with the latter there is nothing better than showing them the door. Make new friendships: you’ll live longer. And be much happier.

In short, tell me who you walk with and I’ll tell you how old you appear. Or better not to go that far. If you can’t surround yourself with good company, at least don’t associate with the bad. Take out your phone and start to delete the unwanted contacts.